I finally got a copy of The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule! I love her blog and when she launched her book I wanted to order one from Amazon but I found it at MPH (plus Citibank card holders get 20% off now).

I had such a wonderful time reading it on my off day. Yes! My off day! James watched Sophie on Wed afternoon while I went off for my long awaited off day. Not quite an off day but nevertheless, a whole afternoon to myself. SO NICE LAH……… What did I do? I went to the National Museum to collect some tickets for Sophie n her kiddy friends for this Sunday’s Museum for Toddlers, jumped in in time for the guided 1hr tour, walked to City Hall, had to go to MPH (cannot help myself!!!), bought books, sat down at Ben & Jerry’s for ice cream (also cannot help myself) to read, shopped around a bit and met James for dinner and movie coz it was also our date night.

Anyways back to the book, it totally inspired me. I like it that she was so personal about her life and her ideals in bringing up the family creatively, very Waldorf. And of course, the photos totally swept me off my feet. Plus the fantastic craft ideas.

Two things spoke to me
1. She believes in purchasing good art and craft materials that can be used by anyone in the family. Not separating what the adults use from the kids. I thought that was pretty cool. That helps to educate the kids about these materials, encourage them to be creative as a family and to be careful with the materials that they use. It’s like WOW even the adults use them, it must be very special!

2. She writes about family creative time where the family just sit together quietly and do their own creative thing - e.g drawing, crafting etc. That’s really cool! Funny how James is an artist but we’ve never done this before.

The book is inspiring and causes me to think in all directions BUT unfortunately, not all can be done easily here in Singapore since we do not have a strong crafting culture and we do lack creative spaces e.g. parks, oceans etc. But it’s ok, I love the challenge of thinking out of the box and doing within my means anyways. I’ll just work with what we have!

As a result, I have since brought Sophie to the park and made sure she walked on the grass and not just the pavement, I’ve bought a pair of shoes and earrings on a whim just because they looked pretty (I’m generally a stinge), we’ve also drawn and painted together just Sophie and I.

Schedules are extremely important to a choleric pretending to be a sanguine person like me. Even more so now that I am a stayhome mum. Schedules keep me sane and things predictable.

Since coming back from Shanghai, I tried to change Sophie’s schedule to this

8am Wake up and Breakfast

9am Play

11am Lunch and Bath

12pm Nap

2pm Play

3pm Tea

530pm Dinner and Bath

7pm Sleep

because one day she slept for 2 hrs for her nap and the next day she slept for 1 1/2 hrs so I thought, wow!, maybe it’s time to change her nap schedules to allow for more time to go out in the morning and afternoon. It was great while it lasted coz one morning we went to Borders in the morning and had breakfast and all without any hurry to come home for her nap.

But duh, it didn’t occur to me she was just adjusting to being back home from all the travelling. The next day, she woke up after 1/2 hr. !?!?!

After that, she refused to sleep longer than 1 hour for her nap so we’re back to

7am Wake up and Breakfast

8am Play

11am Nap

12pm Lunch and Bath

1pm Play

2.30pm Tea

3pm Nap

4pm Play

530pm Dinner

7pm Sleep

She struggles more to sleep now coz she’s so ACTIVE! There’s just so much to see and do! But it’s just a season coz she’s back to sleeping comfortably at 7pm again. For a week or so since coming back, she has been crying to sleep, sometimes even up till an hour. Sigh… I thought we were done with sleep training but nay, apparently they’ll keep challenging it up till 21 years of age. HAHAH… beyond that, it’s not within my control anymore i’m afraid.

The thing about having kids is that they keep on changing. Esp babies. So the schedules keep changing. That drives highly choleric (schedule conscious) mums absolutely crazy. I think that’s why a lot of highly driven women i know go nuts when they have babies. Like we are in absolute control of our workplace and subordinates but have absolutely no control over our lil one. I mean they don’t really tell you when they wanna eat, pee or puke right?

But I thank God coz I’m learning to relinquish control. Hopefully and prayerfully.

Recently I’ve been having a bit of problems with Sophie. She whines. Argh. I of all people, cannot tahan whining! She’s also starting to protest more frequently since the incident at the library (which btw, I’ve been more hesistant to bring Sophie to the library. How on earth do you tell a one year old "shhhh"!?!?).

Whenever she whines, I’ll try to distract her or give her something to stop it. BUT James has been telling me that I should stop doing that coz it just encourages her to whine more Anyways… I was quite at a lost so I wrote an email to my Aunt Agonies of Parenting. This was my question and complain letter, edited. Haha… Here’s one of the replies. It helped me a bit and I think it might benefit some parents who are going through the same so thought I’d just share. If you hv other suggestions and strategies, pls do share!

Dears mothers that i respect very much,

I’ve been having some problems with Sophie. Sophie whines and clings onto me a whole lot. She’s totally fine when there are people around and they are ok tohold her BUT when it’s just the two of us, she needs to be clung onto
me most of the time. I have two main questions.

Question 1
Sophie has a habit of whining and making loud demanding noises (sitted on her high chair) when we’re eating coz she wants our food too. Normally we would give her a biscuit to gnaw at while we have dinner outside but recently coz we started giving her bits of our food, she’s starting to demand that. What should I do? Ignore her? Give her the food? Can be really stressful. The good side is that she loves to eat and I have no problem with feeding her.

Question 2
When we’re home, Sophie is ok to play on her own if I leave her in the play yard and I disappear. She can do that for up to 15-20 mins on good days, maybe 2-3 times a day. Beyond that once I appear, I’ll let her out and she’ll want to cling onto me. I can distract her with a toy for like 1-3 mins and after that she’ll want to cling onto me again. I’m not sure if she’s gotten into a habit of doing this. So I end up bringing her from toy to toy, place to place so that she can
play on her own for a bit while I do something else. Are all babies like that? I know some mothers leave everything else and be with the child when she’s awake but I’m not sure if it’s normal. I have a feeling she’s bored coz once I bring her out, she’s fine. There’ll be less whining.

Answer:

Ha! Ha! Sounds like little Sophie is due for some disciplining.

You know me. Whining drives me nuts and I really cannot stand it so when my girls started whining when they were about Sophie’s age, I went on an over drive to curb it. Usually they whine because they want something and if they are able to speak, I will ask them to to speak instead of whine because I will not entertain them when they do but I will respond when they speak. In this case, Sophie can’t really speak yet but she can ’speak’ using her body language. What might help is to ask her to SHOW mommy what she wants eg: pointing to something or ask her questions where she can answer with a nod or not.

Question 1

My children all eat at the table with us during meal times. We figured that it will keep them occupied and at the same time we can watch them while they have their meals as well ie: no need to allocate another timeslot to feed them and wash up. It is a habit which we have cultivated since they were young and even till today, we all have our meals together. It helps to promote family bonding and everyone gets to share their stories for the day during mealtime conversations and even when my girls have appts with friends etc, they will still make it a point to be back for dinner. I know in some families, whoever is hungry eats first and the rest eat later etc and we find that in such families, there is no time allocated for the family to be together during the day unless they have family devotions every day!

When we go out, they would also have their meal with us and we would usually either order something which is suitable for them (where they won’t get messy, say, fish and chips or pieces of meat cut up where they can use the fork etc) or if we know that the food served at a restaurant we are going is not going to be suitable, we will bring our own food or they stay home. Usually at this age, we will go to a family friendly eating place and save the nice places for our dates together where the children stay home or are at a friend’s who is babysitting. I think exposing your children to eating together in a public place is very impt cos they will pick up good habits at a young age and will have no problems handling eating at a fine restaurant when they are older. I remember my girls first started going to a proper sit down quite posh restaurant at 3 yrs old and it was quite an adventure trying to get them to hold still and not drop the cutleries on the floor (this restaurant has wooden floors so every sound of a falling cutlery is like a big gong going off!) but they did really well and half the time sniggering away…

You are blessed to have Sophie loving her food and seems like she is a very adventurous eater as well. By this age, the youngest was already eating like an adult ie: rice and the full works. Of course, we always have soup or a dish with some sauce where she can put some of it on her rice or it will be too dry and veg cut into small bit size pieces. They all love mash potato and drummettes which they can hold and eat. Never had problems feeding my girls because if they don’t eat up whatever’s on their plate, they go hungry.

So,

1. time your mealtimes together so that she won’t feel left out while both you and James have your meal.

2. give her a plate as well when you dine outside so that (again) she won’t feel left out and give her food which are child-friendly (ie: suitable for her and won’t make a mess like mash potato!). bring a bib and some wet wipes and a change of clothes just in case.

Question 2

My older girls had each other to play with when they were growing up so having company is never a problem. I child proof my living room then (it was easy cos it was a 3 room appt like yours and we cordoned off the kitchen and the rooms) and they practically have a HUGE playpen. They basically can roam anywhere within the confines of that room and certain areas were a no no like the TV and the electronic stuff and they know not to touch them.

When it comes to the youngest, it was a bit diff cos she is on her own. My hub usually hangs around during the mornings and do his work at home and she’ll will play around him. He plays with her occasionally but generally she is just happy just to have him around as company. He usually leaves for work once I get the big part of the morning chores done ie: cooking, marketing etc, stuff that requires me to be away frm her for a longer period of time. By that time, our lunch is ready and we will eat together although at times, I eat alone with her if my hub has to go off early. Then in the afternoon, she naps and then later the sisters are back frm sch to play with her.

There are however times when I have to be alone with her during the mornings as well and when I need to cook, I usually have her in one part of the kitchen playing, usually with some cooking toys or I will give her an activity to do which does not require much supervision like sit her on a table and doodle with crayons and yes, I sometimes babysit her with Sesame St. Those days the morning TV progs are pretty good, Blues Clues, Barney and some good wholesome cartoons.

It helps to minimise the time you need to spend away frm her. I usually plan to cook both lunch and dinner in the mornings, at least the main dish or the main preparations (like cutting, chopping etc)for dinner and I’ll do only the veg in the evenings. When the children were younger, we have meals that required the least preparation time and easy to dish up like steaming fish, stews & spaghetti sauces (which can prepare in bulk and freeze the rest for a rainy day). Having grown up drinking soups almost everyday, I do the same too and prepare in the morning for dinner as well. Laundries are done at night when they are asleep and I do the folding of clothes etc while playing with them, that’s why got pic of them in the laundry basket etc. By the time they are 5, they fold their own clothes and by 7, they do the laundry. Requires a lot of planning initially but once you get the hang of it, it is a breeze and don’t get discourage if you don’t get it right the first few times, it gets easier.

Bear in mind that children go through different phases. Sometimes when they are not feeling well, sleepy, tired or teething, they want to cling and it is the most frustrating times believe me! Thankfully these are just phases and it passes. I’m thankful to have my hub who is really more patient with the kids than me and I guess after a while they realise that they have to learn to play on their own cos mum is busy. I usually spend a lot more time with them in the afternoons when all my stuff are done. in fact the youngest learned how to play on her own at a very young age and she is quite good at entertaining herself.

I wouldn’t recommend being available for the child at their every beck and call. When you have one, it’s okay, wait till you have two. Children are creatures of habit. Once they are used to hving you there whenever they whine, you are a dead duck! It is okay for them to cry a little and wait for you till you are free unless it is an emergency. Those mums who leave everything and be with their child either are very patient, have a calling for this or have a maid at home to pick up where they left off so that they can be with their child all the time. Seriously, train them when they are young or it will follow you …..

One smile like that makes all the whining worth it.

Sophie’s been whining a whole lot. Wake up, whine. Put her down, whine. Sit in stroller, whine. Play alone, whine. I go to the toilet, whine. The list goes on and on.

It really got to me after a while.

But then there was one good day, she was smiling like that almost the entire day. She was ok on the floor going thru all the toys and happy to roam the streets with me. I always have to tell myself that there are good days and there are bad days.

I was talking to Steph, my best friend, the other day and comparing our babies. Luke is a fearless lil one, he’ll just go, no beating around the bush, no whining, just go all out. Very scary and tiring for mum. Sophie is the more cautious one that’ll, ya, whine. Also very tiring for me. The conclusion was that they’re just who they are and we have to learn to accept that and work with that.

It’s not easy but with God’s strength (and I believe God has given mothers crazy amounts of strength, just think how your mum can tahan you… hee) we’ll make it and they’ll grow up to be just fine.

Sophie’s wearing a Pumpkin Patch bodysuit that Kel n CY got for her when we were shopping at factory outlets in Brissy.

P1080482.JPG
Originally uploaded by sophie8mths

We’ve started playpen time again!

Cel has been telling me all this time to start structured playpen time where I should put Sophie in there for 15-30 mins on her own while i go about doing my stuff. So that she’s safe and she learns to play by herself without me being around IN SIGHT. It should also be parent directed and not when she wants it or not. (TOUGH!) And I shouldn’t put her in there all day.

Anyways… for a while, Sophie hated the playpen for various reasons. It was SMALL, ENCLOSED, HIDDEN, TOO DARK, etc… and prob for other reasons i can’t even fathom by her cries. (WISH WE HAD THOUGHT BUBBLES/SUBTITLES!!)

But past few weeks I cieared out the playpen, which had over time became our toy storage space, and put a whiter bedsheet so that it’s brighter (coz the playpen is in dark blue) and lotsa toys.

SHE LOVED IT! At least for 15 mins! With me out of sight. 15 mins might seem really short BUT it’s really long for a baby. Ok, at least for my precious.

So everyday, we’re stretching the time longer and longer. We do this like once or twice a day so far. After breakfast n after lunch. Norm after meals she’s super good mood. This little one loves a good meal.

This actually helped to "cure" her separation anxiety coz after a few weeks of doing this, she’s actually much better when other people carry her and when she’s alone. But babies go thru phases lah so it changes all the time.

She looks so happy in the playpen in this pic… haha but it’s not like that all the time. This is just a good pic.

Self feeding
Originally uploaded by sophie8mths

Sophie has started eating fish, chicken, pork and even self feeding. Actually she’s been doing this for a while.

She loves feeding herself.

I’ll make her meals and have some finger food to go along with it. For breakfast, she gets chunks of banana or slices of apple. For lunch/dinner, I’ll give her diced potato/sweet potato/carrot sticks/asparagus. I will mash/grate most of it into her food but leave a few cubes for her to play and mess around with. She loves it. But normally I only give it to her at the end of the meal so that she’s not so distracted. Or else I’ll have to fight with her fingers to feed her.

So far so good. She doesn’t really choke on them. Babies are quite smart, they will twirl it around their mouth and if they really can’t swallow it, it’ll just be in their mouths. At that point, I’ll just stick my finger in and yank it out. For the mashy ones like banana/potatoes, she can manage that and will just eat it.

So fun. I love watching her do that.

A friend of mine wrote this. She was on MC and feeling bored. She sent it to me coz she thought I could identify. It’s sooooo good. Thot I’ll share it here.
It was so apt coz I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to get my eyebrows trimmed….

A Short Story


"I ought to get these eyebrows trimmed," she thinks to herself, towelling dry her mid-length hair as she steps out of the shower and stands before the mirror.  It has been months -  before Chinese New Year - since she last got herself a haircut too.  The beancurd seller at the wet market then kept raving about how good she looked with her freshly-cut hair, which was quite embarrassing, actually.  Maybe next Tuesday afternoon, when both the kids have their CCAs….

"Daddy says we have to brush our teeth before we sleep!" the younger one hollers, as she hastily pulls her t-shirt over her just as the bathroom door swings open.  She always forgets to get them to brush their teeth before she has her shower.   A flurry of token toothbrushing and some serious elbow-jostling over the wash basin later, they tuck themselves in bed, stretching out their arms for hugs and puckering their lips for kisses.

This is what makes it all worth it, she tells herself as she brushes her hair before the big mirror in the living room.  Yet she cannot help but notice how her freckles have multiplied.  How her lips are thin and flaking.  That must be why her boss got her not one, but two lip-glosses for her birthday.

This part-time job is working out well, she tells her friends.  Sure, it doesn’t pay well - no CPF, no bonuses, but that’s the price you pay for flexibility.  After ten years of being a Stay-At-Home-Mum you really can’t complain about the pay, or be envious of your friends who have gone on to become school principals and chief editors of magazines.  Think of the price they have to pay.

She sets out two sets of uniforms for tomorrow - one set for PE, one set of pinafore.  Then she gets ready their lunchboxes and… they’ve forgotten to take out their water bottles to be washed again.  They still don’t wash their own water bottles, or pick up their clothes after they change, or help out around the house.  But they’re good children, she tells herself.  They’re honest, respectful and well-behaved.  They’ve been taught well.

There had been times in her life when she hated mirrors.

She hated them when she was a teenager.  She wore oversized, wire-framed glasses and had her hair cut at the salon downstairs,  a place where for years, the same black-and-white posters of female 1960s movie stars adorned the walls, and where the "hairdressers" were a mother and daughter team, both trained by the latter’s father, the owner of the man’s salon right next door.  In those days they used to call her "the smart one", because she was neither tall like her elder sister, nor pretty like her younger sister.

She began to hate mirrors less after she started wearing contact lenses and ventured further to get her haircuts.  In fact, she grew to love herself in the mirror when she started dating and got married to the man with infinite patience for her moods.

Then her reflection in the mirror began to change.  It started with a little bump where there used to be the hollow of her tummy, and it grew to be the centre of her whole being.  The process repeated itself in four years.  At the end of it, she hated herself in the mirror again.

But it mattered little because for the next few years she hardly had the time to look at herself.  Life was a whirlwind of diapers, potty-training, spit-up meals and soiled carpets.  She became known as her daughter’s mummy, and later, her son’s mummy.

Her daughter hogs the mirror to brush her hair.  She’s wearing her first set of training bras, and she has a crush on one of the boys in class.

"Mummy, I’m as tall as your shoulder!" she exclaims.  Mummy straightens herself beside her, the two of them giggling before the mirror.

"It wouldn’t take very much to be taller than me, you know," she says.  She studies her daughter’s face and sees the unmistakable imprint of her husband in her child’s eyes and smile.  Summoning her son, the three of them stand before the mirror.  For a moment, she forgets the advice she gave to a younger mother who was fretting about how little her toddler was eating.  "Never use your child’s chubbiness as an index of your success as a mother," she had said sagely then.

Now, she swells with pride as the mirror affirms that her children are well-built and handsome.

"Before you know it, you’d turned 40 and everything goes south," laughter roars in the studio as Oprah’s guest, an actress in her 40s who looks nary a day over 30, regales the audience with her tales of botox and other age-delaying procedures.  "Re-invent youself!" she urges, and the audience erupts in approving applause.

She switches the television set off, heads into the kitchen and begins to mince a few cloves of garlic with a vengeance.  As the aroma of cooking fills the kitchen she morphs back into mummy mode, leaving her insecurities and her questions about life back where they usually lurk - in the recesses of her mind, coiled and dormant until awakened.

Ok the reason why i wrote the earlier post is so that i can post this. Since i’ve been reading, thot i might as well share some of the stuff i’ve been reading that have been really encouraging me.

Mom Care

Keep up your daily mom maintenance so you don’t run out of gas.

By Barb Vogelgesang

"Is everyone buckled up? I just need to get gas, and we’re good to go." I looked in the rearview mirror at the four young faces depending on me to get them to their various practices, doctors’ appointments and friends’ houses. I checked for my grocery list and pulled out of our driveway grateful that our minivan enables me to meet these needs. A few months ago, though, I ran out of gas! The five of us sat by the side of the road waiting for help. Our lives stopped because I hadn’t kept up the daily maintenance of our vehicle.

Moms can run out of gas, too. If we don’t care for ourselves in the midst of mothering, we’ll break down and fail to meet the needs of our family. So how do we keep up the daily maintenance on Mom? Following is my personal care and feeding plan so I don’t run out of gas.

Downtime is crucial. If I’m cranky and tired, the atmosphere of our house suffers. I’ve given myself permission to go to sleep early. The laundry can wait until morning to be put away.

Sharing the joy of raising our children with my hubby is important. Instead of hoping my husband will know when I need help, I specifically ask for his help. When it’s his turn to make dinner, I agree that macaroni and cheese with hot dogs is delicious.

Great girlfriends are a must. Real friends don’t tempt us down the path of gossip or self-pity. They inspire us, love us, pray with us, keep us accountable and give us tangible help that we can give back. I use e-mail and the telephone to keep in touch and plan mom playdates to keep me in top condition.

Training my children to be a family team is essential. My four kids help with chores and the everyday stuff of running a house. Their participation has allowed me to avoid the stress of disorder and disharmony. The team mentality spreads out the responsibility so it doesn’t all fall on my shoulders.

Asking for help when I need it is vital. I am omni-nothing. But God is omni-everything. I continually ask him to place the people and resources in my life to help me accomplish all that’s before me. I also work on accepting others’ help and beat back the issues of pride that say I can and must do it all myself.

Having a creative outlet is FUNdamental. God, the ultimate Creator, made us in his image, and I need to satisfy the creative part of me. Writing and teaching theatre enable me to pursue goals beyond the household chore list.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is critical. Good eating habits, regular exercise and the continued renewing of our minds is essential to mom health. Taking a walk with some moms while our children have dance class, trading the mocha latte for water and reading a book instead of watching TV are great alternatives.

Learning to enjoy my children is significant. I didn’t always enjoy my kids. I had to surrender to motherhood. But changing my perspective from seeing my children as my "work" to acknowledging that my children are my "recreation reminders" has been an incredible blessing to me.

My best refueling comes when I remember to connect with God. I have to be flexible to his plans instead of my own. Ongoing growth and intentional care for my body, mind and spirit fill my mom tank. Then I’m ready for whatever life has in store.

Barb Vogelgesang is a busy mom of four active children. She sees mothering as an exciting adventure because she’s never sure what’s going to happen next. A popular retreat speaker and MOPS Area Coordinator, Barb loves encouraging and inspiring moms.

Copyright © 2007 by the author or Christianity Today International/MOMSense magazine.

I’ve been reading a lot more these days.

Magazines ~ I subscribe to Simply Her and Mother and Baby (Singapore edition) coz it’s so nice to get mail! I’m a big fan of Simply Her coz it’s just sooooo good. No trashy stories, just heartwarming ones. Not too many ads and even if they do, they are pretty informative on health and beauty. Very healthy.

Online ~ Last nite i was reading Wholesomebabyfood.com. N this online zine called Momsense. So you can kinda guess the genre.

Books ~ Currently reading Sacred Parenting. That’s my bedtime reading material. On and off Annabel Karmel, What to Expect in First Year… yep books like that.

Ok……………. but at least I’m reading! Haha… yep am pretty thankful i got back into reading again. For a while, i just couldn’t sit down too long to read properly.

Oh ya in case you think that i’m in my own world now, I still read The Straits Times ok. O and blogs.

Thought i’ll do a short post on this since I was talking to a friend abt it and encouraging her about sleep training. Since it has worked for Sophie, I normally make it a point to encourage parents to keep at it once they have put their mind and heart to doing it. Like how Cecilia made me stick to it. hahaha. Ok she didn’t make me but she kept me at it. Kicked my butt when I became soft. Thank God for friends like that.

I’ll write about how we did it another time. Let’s just say we did a cross between a "cry it out" and "go in n check every 5 - 15 mins, stretching it each day" consistently since Sophie’s been home from the hospital.

But just wanna say how glad we are that Sophie now sleeps from 7pm to almost 7am, sometimes 8am, without crying most nights. We’ll go thru the usual routine - change, feed, talk, sing, pray, give her her pacifier and little bolster, say good nite, leave the room and she’ll fall asleep on her own, no crying most nites.

We went thru difficult times hearing her cry, running in and out of the room esp night nursing, resisting temptation to nurse her to calm her down when we knew she didn’t need night feeds anymore……… but we’re enjoying the fruits now. It’s good.

Eh what you want?
Originally uploaded by sophie8mths

Sophie in her most unglam photo yet.

But what i really wanna say is that I found my dream plastic bib!!!! It’s really hard looking for a nice plastic bib! All the normal ones are so ugly and too cute. THIS ONE IS THE CUTEST! It’s a Little Miss bib.

Oh, but she hates it.

Oh wells… guess i’m starting to experience the tension between mother and daughter. Wah hahaha…