Sophie’s first birthday

Sophie’s turning two in a week’s time and I feel like time is just passing so fast!

She was hardly walking at one! She only walked at 15 months comfortably. Now she’s running (a little :)), trying to hop and jump and talking so much! She demands to do things her way and can articulate that super well - "Nooooooooooooooooo! I do it myself!" Er, ok. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for motherhood being pretty non-confrontational myself. I read that it’s time for the terrible twos where they will throw tantrums because they are developing a sense of identity, suddenly realising that they can make either a dent or difference in this world by exercising their freedom of choice - oooooooooooooooooo YET having a lack of expression or vocabulary! How exciting YET how terribly frightening at the same time! I guess in a way I can imagine how Sophie feels.

There is so much to consider at this point as she develops her character. It’s starting to dawn on me how daunting parenting can be! Argh!!!!! What if she turns out spoilt because weak willed mother here me failed to guide her in the right ways????? Or what if she is reclusive coz her lazy parents prefer to just stay home to rot? (Ok, maybe not, Sophie is hardly reclusive) Or what if she doesn’t reach her maximum potential because I’m intending to homeschool her??? Or what if she turns around and blame us and say we’re not good enough parents? I know a lot of youths (me included) have harbored thoughts like that!!!!!

Ah…………………………………… faint.

And at this point, the very pleasant and very Holy spirit sends a reminder:

"Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

HE (in a loud voice) will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (moi moi moi!).

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint"

Isaiah 40:28- 30

Beautiful is our God, the universe will sing. Hallelujah to You our King.

I’m thankful I’m not doing this alone. God who created Sophie will bring her to completion and the fact that He is willing to use a broken vessel like me proves His amazing grace and love. I’m honored God chose me to be Sophie’s mum. I think she’s an amazing girl.

The Previous Issue’s Cover Page. Irene our designer illustrated and did the mag layout. So pretty!

I’m really thankful for all the people who have worked hard on the Seasons of Life (SOL) articles.

I got an sms from Renita saying she’s taken leave from work just to finish hers up today. And Brian worked thru his precious weekend while on reservist.

Since I’ve been working on this mag, I’ve just been amazed again and again by the providence of God. Sometimes I cannot believe how it’s just so easy doing God’s will, if only I can just stop to pray and inquire of the Lord. Almost each time we’ve asked people to write, they have been more than glad and each time the articles speak to many.

The next issue is on young adults. One issue that keeps surfacing is how do I balance it all?

I think we really need to break out of two mindsets - one being, balance. Balance always connotes there being two parts whether equal or not (imagine a balancing scale). There is nothing to balance if it’s a whole. The divided heart needs to balance but the heart (life) wholly committed to Christ, is whole and therefore, in essence one. Of course there’s still another level, everything is a service to the Lord but still, how much time do I spend at work, ministry and with my family? I learnt this from Landa Cope (YWAM speaker) once and it has stuck ever since. There is no such thing as prioritising, just do what the Lord says. Some days family is put first, other days maybe the Lord will ask you to put ministry above family trusting that He will look after the family (Yes! He does that) and so on. It really boils down to the Lordship of Christ. I think the scariest Christians who mislead the world are those who think they can still function as two parts.

The other mindset - church ministry = serving. I find that in interviewing many Christians, esp young/new Christians, they have this idea that to serve means they need to be involved in some kind of ministry at church. Even when I started to serve in worship ministry last year again (and I only did so because the Lord spoke REALLY loudly), someone said to me "Welcome back!" and someone said "Ni cong chu jiang hu", like as if I’ve been hiding from service. The truth? I’ve been enjoying myself sitting in the comfort of my Lord’s feet (oh plus changing nappies, night feeds etc but that’s still secondary service). Only coz He said to. You see, serving is being a servant to (someone). Servants don’t run around doing everything, they only do what the Master says.

I think when we begin to break out of these two mindsets can we begin to be servants unto the Lord. I’m still in rehab, a lot of unlearning to do.

I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days.

Actually it’s been a while. I’ve just been bombarded by a lot of bad news recently. News of broken relationships, some pretty close friends. Couples who have been together for a long time and split up. Some married, some engaged, some dating. Plus James has been sick and Sophie just started coughing. I also feel a bit worn out from all the activities.

I had a pretty good day today despite all the "low" emotions. I guess since the little one is not well I too had to take a breather and rest. We did a lot of random painting and craft work. I find that Sophie is most entertained when she’s rummaging our art supply cupboard (which is slowly bursting out of its seams!). I just did whatever she wanted today to minimise the fuss, for her and for me. It’s just one of those days and thank God it turned out pretty good. Funny thing was she didn’t want to nap and I was too lazy to make her so I let her be. We just laid on the bed playing a card game until I fell asleep (for a bit) and she let me while she continued playing the game (it’s a matching game). James came back to run an errand and brought Sophie with him while I went to the supermarket. When she got really cranky, James talked her into napping and she did. How nice.

I made her some creamy soup for dinner, served with toast and she finished it all. I’m thankful for little things like that coz sometimes it’s just so hard to get her to eat!

In times like these I just need to keep reminding myself to look upwards instead of inwards.

"But his mother treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51

The desire of my heart is to write about the things of God but somehow writing about them superficially doesn’t quite cut it. Sometimes with all that is happening within me, it can be pretty overwhelming. I can only sit, wonder and pray. Today is one of those days. It can snowball into being worrying and depressive but thankfully reading from another source and of course leading me to read the main source (the bible) brought me back to "Do not worry…" Matt 6:25. At times, all else fails, only the Lord understands that we worry. But yet he says, "Do not worry… because your heavenly Father knows…."

I’m held by your love… upheld by your strength. This I treasure.

Every morning, Sophie and I will take a walk around the estate and then go play at the playground.

In the past year, I’ve made a few friends around the estate - mostly grannies, nannies and helpers. Even the bangladeshi worker. These are the people in the neighbourhood.

Some things that I notice and hear here that really tug at my heart.

I see a lot of half asleep and some weepy babies and kids in pajamas being dropped off with grandparents and helpers. It’s such a common sight here. I feel so bad for the parents. It must be so hard to leave the kids behind and go off to work. I can totally understand. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.

This morning I met a nanny with a 17 mth old girl (There are quite a number of nannies around my estate and we chat from time to time.). We were chatting for a while and the girl started whining coz I think she was getting uncomfortable in the pram. To my horror, the nanny shouted "Shut up lah, you think what i’m doing? I’m talking! …" I was so shocked! I quickly ended the conversation and went on my way. She was really nice you know. I really didn’t expect that from her. It made me think about what she did with the girl at home.

Another time I was with Sophie in the changing room at Great World City and I heard a helper shout at the boy "You stupid boy! …"

Even with grandparents, I’ve noticed that some are very unwilling babysitters and they complain about having to watch the baby. Some keep the baby on the stroller the entire day and chit chat with their friends all day at the void deck.

It’s really scary to think what kids are exposed to when the parents are not around.

But on the other hand, I’ve met a really nice nanny who said sadly that the boy’s parents only pick him up very late and hardly bring new clothes for him.

It’s really precious to have loving people to watch our kids if we can’t do it ourselves. Up till this point I’ve not been able to let anyone other than my parents or in laws watch Sophie. She’s just too precious.

I think we’ve officially ran out of space in our house.

There is really no more space to stack any more baby clothes or toys. I like it when my friend told us in her kids’ birthday invite not to buy anything because there’s simply no more space. I can totally identify.

A few friends and I have started a toy exchange program (not so serious). Our kids are the same age so we’ve been going to each other’s place to check out the toys and exchanging them. It’s been really great coz Sophie saw the newly borrowed toys and went "wah!" really loudly. I was so pleased coz I didn’t need to pay a single cent for it.

On a more serious note, it’s really time to simplify and live differently. By creating less demand and wastage, hopefully we can help save a tiny bit of the world’s resources. I had a little chat over MSN with our beloved Pastor Dan recently and we talked about how the world is potentially heading towards anarchy. There is no way we can continue to maintain our current lifestyle in the near future. With resources running out and world population increasing, the prices are going to increase (as already predicted for next year) and people are going to feel the lack and fight over the little that is left. By the way, our fav mutton kway teow soup increased from $3 to $3.50!! Our weekly indulgence has just gone up by $1! This is just a small indication of what’s going to happen in the near future.

As Christmas approaches and as the year comes to an end, maybe it’s time to reflect on what is truly important. Maybe, just maybe by reducing the things in our lives, we create more space in our hearts for God, ourselves and the people around us.

Schedules are extremely important to a choleric pretending to be a sanguine person like me. Even more so now that I am a stayhome mum. Schedules keep me sane and things predictable.

Since coming back from Shanghai, I tried to change Sophie’s schedule to this

8am Wake up and Breakfast

9am Play

11am Lunch and Bath

12pm Nap

2pm Play

3pm Tea

530pm Dinner and Bath

7pm Sleep

because one day she slept for 2 hrs for her nap and the next day she slept for 1 1/2 hrs so I thought, wow!, maybe it’s time to change her nap schedules to allow for more time to go out in the morning and afternoon. It was great while it lasted coz one morning we went to Borders in the morning and had breakfast and all without any hurry to come home for her nap.

But duh, it didn’t occur to me she was just adjusting to being back home from all the travelling. The next day, she woke up after 1/2 hr. !?!?!

After that, she refused to sleep longer than 1 hour for her nap so we’re back to

7am Wake up and Breakfast

8am Play

11am Nap

12pm Lunch and Bath

1pm Play

2.30pm Tea

3pm Nap

4pm Play

530pm Dinner

7pm Sleep

She struggles more to sleep now coz she’s so ACTIVE! There’s just so much to see and do! But it’s just a season coz she’s back to sleeping comfortably at 7pm again. For a week or so since coming back, she has been crying to sleep, sometimes even up till an hour. Sigh… I thought we were done with sleep training but nay, apparently they’ll keep challenging it up till 21 years of age. HAHAH… beyond that, it’s not within my control anymore i’m afraid.

The thing about having kids is that they keep on changing. Esp babies. So the schedules keep changing. That drives highly choleric (schedule conscious) mums absolutely crazy. I think that’s why a lot of highly driven women i know go nuts when they have babies. Like we are in absolute control of our workplace and subordinates but have absolutely no control over our lil one. I mean they don’t really tell you when they wanna eat, pee or puke right?

But I thank God coz I’m learning to relinquish control. Hopefully and prayerfully.

This is from yesterday’s My Utmost for his Highest. It’s beautiful and a timely reminder. It really tugs at my heart because I know the Holy Spirit says this is what I have called you to:- Holiness in daily dish washing, diaper changing and joy in the managing a little one who is starting to show her tantrums. If you can excel in this by My grace, you can excel in the darkest of places and times.

But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith . . . —Jude 20

There was nothing of the nature of impulsive or thoughtless action about our Lord, but only a calm strength that never got into a panic. Most of us develop our Christianity along the lines of our own nature, not along the lines of God’s nature. Impulsiveness is a trait of the natural life, and our Lord always ignores it, because it hinders the development of the life of a disciple. Watch how the Spirit of God gives a sense of restraint to impulsiveness, suddenly bringing us a feeling of self-conscious foolishness, which makes us instantly want to vindicate ourselves. Impulsiveness is all right in a child, but is disastrous in a man or woman—an impulsive adult is always a spoiled person. Impulsiveness needs to be trained into intuition through discipline.

Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he "followed Him at a distance" on dry land ( Mark 14:54 ). We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.

– No author assigned in CUT

Article: Nipping It In The Bud: How and Why We’re Celebrating Friends, Not Toys At Our Birthday Party

This is an excellent article. It really humbled me in my excitment to plan Sophie’s birthday party.

Sophie is definitely a people person. I think as much as she likes toys, she would prefer to play with someone more than toys anyday. It’s not just about the party. It’s easy to just plan a big birthday bash - expensive cake, lavish decor, presents etc. Nothing really wrong in that at all. But what started as a process of planning her party has got me thinking thru what we are building in her in the long run. The values that are inculcated in her subconsciously as we do these things like planning a birthday party.

It’s a long article but do give it a read in your spare time.

Psalm 1

BOOK I : Psalms 1-41

 1 Blessed is the man
       who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
       or stand in the way of sinners
       or sit in the seat of mockers.

 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
       and on his law he meditates day and night.

 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
       which yields its fruit in season
       and whose leaf does not wither.
       Whatever he does prospers.

 4 Not so the wicked!
       They are like chaff
       that the wind blows away.

 5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
       nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

 6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
       but the way of the wicked will perish.

My current problem: I meditate on what people say/think more than what God says/think. Worry = Meditate

People who norm pray for me, pls keep me in prayer that I will get a breakthrough in this area. Thanks. I see breakthru coming coz God is faithful!!

When the world speaks louder, I become scared and insecure but I hear the Father saying:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

After watching SuperNanny, i think i too might have a problem next time with my quick temperedness. I really need to have a breakthru in this area and grow in patience and love. So this entry is really a reminder for myself:

TOO QUICKLY ANNOYED?

Pr 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.

Take note of how quickly and in what manner you respond to an insult.

Jas 1:19  My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

Furthermore:

Pr 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
Pr 25:28 Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls.

In fact only a fool always expresses how they feel. The righteous should be dispassionate to a degree. In particular being slow to anger requires an exercise of one’s self-control. A person lacking in self-control has his defenses broken down and as such is open to the enemy’s attack.